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EXCERPTS deeds of trust by alesandra rain
Prologue The interview was over and a sense of relief flooded through me. I knew the questions would be daunting and although Andrea had prepared me thoroughly, the adrenaline flowed freely. I had given dozens of interviews but this reporter touched the heart of my story. I sat at my desk and my eyes floated through the room, seeing nothing but the ominous drawer, uncertain why I gave the documents a home. They were relegated to a box for seven years – why did I move them within reach? Behind a simple lock held the key to my past. The truth. Three years ago my life looked entirely different. Blackness permeated every aspect and cast its cloak over my soul. I wasn’t sure I could make it back, or even if I wanted to. But some sliver of hope remained and pushed me through the darkness. What began as a journey to the very core of my being became the seedlings of Label Me Sane. We touch lives on a daily basis that are brought to hope through our connection. Each day I wake with a renewed conviction to help others survive what I am convinced is the worst betrayal. I swung my chair away from my desk and looked around my office. Transitory articles of our success serve as reminders of our purpose. But what keeps Andrea and myself motivated are the multitudes of telephone calls, letters and emails asking for help and thanking us for our efforts. They warm our hearts and fill the long hours that never seem to end. How can so many people be suffering? It is overwhelming but just when I think my exhaustion is too deep to respond to yet another email or telephone request, someone will call, reaching for a lifeline and I am filled with passion to continue. Would they still be grateful if they knew the whole story? My eyes hesitated momentarily on each piece of art that documented my travels and therefore a good portion of my adult life. The lifeline stopped nearly fourteen years ago. I glanced around and remember earlier times – my trip to Hong Kong, Hokkaido, Europe and the Grand Cayman Islands. I could feel a hint of the laughter and ease that symbolized how I moved through the world and approached life – All before I met him. I looked out the window and saw the ocean shimmering. It looked so peaceful and comforting and reminded me of our wedding. I don’t remember ever being that young or so inexperienced at the sinister aspects of life. I didn’t know a black soul actually existed off the silver screen. I was a believer now. The room began to squeeze me. I tried to shake off the foreboding sensations rippling through my skin but knew it would be impossible if I stayed indoors. The sun and sand called. I scribbled a note and left it on my desk. I was known for my midday walks. Andrea would understand - she knew me so well. I grabbed my sunglasses, pushed open the door and slipped down the back stairs. I kicked off my shoes and headed toward the blue. The second my toes slid into the sand my heart lifted. I pushed through the large dunes – craving the sensation of the waters edge. I pulled the salt air into my lungs and let my hair whip wildly in the strong breeze. There were two small sailboats bobbing on the horizon, looking perfectly natural on the edge of the world. Throngs of seagulls filled the air, full of urgent calls. They were seeking food – I sought peace. I reached the soft waves in less than a minute and stood quietly. My thoughts were full of the past. A few gulls stayed close, convinced I represented sustenance. Their dedication and tenacity brought a smile as I realized my memories couldn’t hurt me anymore. I could go back without being consumed. I picked up my pace, determined to experience the freedom of movement. The birds eventually realized that I promised nothing nourishing and abandoned me in search of a better provider. I was left with my thoughts and the quietude of a perfect California day as I pushed around a jagged rock cliff face and found my quiet spot up high - a safe pinnacle. From this distance I knew it was possible to reflect. The soft clouds floated above my head, taking me to a different time. I could imagine the sky on the day I met him, how innocent it all seemed. How could I ever have known how my life would be altered? Chapter 1 A good con is woven like a tight web, much like a spider’s trap. It seems safe initially and then closes in around you. Deceit can wrap its tentacles so tightly that the truth is obscured. By the time the degree of danger is recognized, it is much too late. At least for me that is exactly how it developed – slowly and with great precision. It unfolded over an extended period of time with total dedication. The adage “love is blind” isn’t exactly accurate. It is more that love can create a justification for outpoints in character. Should I have seen the tidal wave coming? Probably. But like most storms of magnitude, it closed in quickly and with power. ...
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